10 reasons we are still married II

in case you missed  my previous post, 

my first five reasons for still being married were:

1~we pray together

2~we kiss

3~we go to bed together

4~we date

5~we find ways to make our marriage better

here are the next five:

6~we talk

i think one of the most important things in a marriage is communication, aka talking! my hubby will be the first to say, "sometimes men just don't get it liv, we need to be told stuff. we don't always know whats going on with you" look at these two quotes from a couple, this is from our marriage class.....

 from the husband:

"i thought i was doing great as a husband....i would of said on a scale from 1-10, my marriage is probably a 10. if not a 10, its a 9.8, and i guarantee my wife would agree"

~dave wilson

from the wife:

" and i would of said, we are a 1.0 ,maybe a 0.5, and i think he was totally clueless ...which made me even more angry, because i'm thinking, how do you not know how bad we are doing?"

~ann wilson

this is a prime example of what happens when you don't talk about things! you expect your husband to know things aren't the greateat and he thinks everything is great! kinda when i wrote in my first post and sat down and talked to shawn and said "i am just not happy" and he responded by saying "how can you not be happy?" as if he had no clue! when you let stuff go on and on like this, it doesn't turn out good! that's why you need to talk about the changes you need to make and ACTUALLY DO THEM!

7~we say i love you

plain and simple, even if we know you love us, we like to be told! and more than once a day is always nice ;)

sometimes we carve the words "i love you" in random things

JK....this was a one time deal ;) 

8~we forgive

if one of us does something stupid, usually shawn, (haha just kidding hunny) we will go to each other and say "i'm so sorry i treated you like that, or that i was in a bad mood, will you please forgive me?" (the bad mood part is me most times,haha) then we go on with our evening and don't let it ruin our night! now i know that people have deeper and bigger issues then just being in a bad mood, but the most important thing is if you really don't know how can forgive them for something, talk to someone about what you can do, to get over it,and move on from the situation. unforgivenss will ruin your marriage!

9~we talk about money

so many couples fight about money! what to do with the tax money, what to do with the extra bonus you get. shawn and i have a little policy, if we want to purchase something over a certain amount, we will just run it by each other. i'm not saying to ask for every penny you spend, but ,make sure you agree on those bigger purchases!

10~we spend weekends together

oh, how i love having the WHOLE weekend off from all responsibilities but being a wife! we are in the process of planning another weekend away! we will usually just go to columbus, or crocker park for a few days. we went to florida for a week minus the babes...well, actually minus hunter because i was preggo with carter, and it was so nice ! it is so refreshing to have the time to do whatever you want! our biggest decision  is what place to go out to eat! this is a must for all couples to sneak away and rekindle your love without any interruptions! bow chicka bow wow! ;)

us at crocker park this year 

an extra little reason:

WE HAVE FUN!

marriage should be fun! kiss, dance in the kitchen, be silly, be spontaneous, hold hands, hide behind the bathroom door at midnight and scare your spouse (actually, maybe don't do that, i am laughing out loud right now thinking about when i did that to shawn! he jumped back and said "what in the world is wrong with you? why would you do that?" haha then we both started cracking up!

ok, now go have yourself a happy marraige!!!!!

p.s. once again, i'm not saying or marriage is all perfect, but we     really try to make an effort everyday to do these things! 

10 reasons we are still married

after my post from yesterday, i thought i would follow up with 10 reasons we are still married  that keep our marriage going: here are the first 5

we pray together

have you ever heard the saying "couples who pray together, stay together"?might be a cheesy saying, but it's true! we were at a marriage enrichment class the other night and someone asked "does it count if you pray over your food together?" lol well, it counts for something but it's not the only prayer you should eve say together! when we go to bed each night is when we usually pray together, some nights it might be one minute, some nights it might be five minutes! it doesn't have to be long! 

we kiss

everyday we kiss! your prob thinking, ya, you're married! of course you kiss! but really think about it....do you really kiss your spouse everyday? if Shawn is in a hurry to leave and scoots out the door before i get my "see ya later kiss", i usually say "hey, get back in here and kiss me!" ;) he returns with a quick kiss and out the door he goes with a little smirk on his face! kiss your spouse at least when you leave each other in the morning and greet them when they get home! 2 kisses a day, is that really too much to ask?!?! ;)

we go to bed together

like in my post before, when we didn't go to bed together, it stunk! you miss out on a lot of time you can be talking, praying (its about the only time the kids are settled in bed and it's quiet to pray) or doing whatever ;) i know a couple that has been sleeping in separate beds for years and years! you can bet there is hardly any intimacy going on there! (i do have to say, if i drink a cup of coffee past 6 pm, and wired, i might stay up and watch tv, so we try our best to do this but it might not happen 100% of the time)

we date

we love to go on dates! when i was growing up, my parents went on a date EVERY monday night! looking back now, i think that's so awesome that they made time for each other every week! especially if you have kids, this is a must! you can get so consumed with your kids, you forget to make time for your spouse! p.s. all you mama's that are scared to leave your babe's with a sitter, find someone you trust and even go on a 2 hour date at first! your kid will be fine and might actually like to play with someone other than mommy! ;)

we find ways to make our marriage better

we just started a class, that my parents started, through our church, called marriage university! it has been so awesome so far! we debated taking the class because we felt like things have been so great, we don't have any huge problems, why go? don't wait till you NEED to go to a marriage class! now, when we have struggles in our marriage we will know how to respond to those issues in a Godly way! this is something new for us, but we plan to attend something like this at least once a year! it defiantly keeps you in check! btw, if anyone is looking into going to a marriage conference, "family life center" puts on an awesome one! i know a few people that went and it really changed their relationship, even if they didn't think anything needed to change!

ok, there are a few things you can start doing today, if you arent already!

Get dressed up, and go on a HOT date this week!

it sucks...when your marriage sucks!

this little post is inspired by the month of love, ahhh February! valentine's day! the wonderful made up holiday that we spend billions on! did you ever think that women wouldn't love this holiday so much if we got treated like gold every other day of the year?!?!

well, just a little inside info that most people don't go around saying.... for a while, our marriage sucked! my hubby started a new job, 2 summer's ago now, and we were so excited! the hours were suppose to be more flexible, the pay was better and we were ready for something new!

this lovely opportunity started...and those flexible hours, sure were flexible, so flexible they stretched from 7 am to 9 pm, and i forgot to mention, he was working 6 days a week! "i have to work as much as possible to prove myself here at this new job liv," he would say. so at first i was understanding, until i started to get wore out and so irritated. i was waking the kids up, doing breakfast, lunch, dinner, trying to keep up with the house, bath time, snack time , bedtime! i started to say to Shawn "hey, can you please come home early tonight? i'd really like to ...." the nights he would get home early, i would say something like "its about time you come home early, all you do is work" (and prob nag too much, which made him work even more) then he'd say "well, you could thank me for paying the bills!" ugh! kinda wanted to punch the sucker! haha, not everyday was like this, but a lot were! 

i don't know if you ever have gotten to the point you feel more like room mates then a married couple? that was so us! and you get to the point where you care so much, that you don't even care anymore! 

shawn would fall asleep on the couch and i would be up and bed just waiting for him to come up and hold me!  wake up , go through the same motions, go to bed, and all over again!

this all lasted about 3 months! at the time, we hardly went on dates, and if you know us, we LOVE to go on dates! when we did go on a date, can you say awkward? we were the couple that was on our phones at dinner or barely talking! we basically have been "passing each other in the hallway" and we had nothing to talk about...but the kids!

one night, we had it out after the kids went to bed! i woke his booty up,after he fell asleep on the couch for the 100th time, and started in.

me: you work too much, you fall asleep on the couch, we hardly go on dates,you don't pray with me anymore i am just not happy!

shawn: how can you not be happy? i let you buy whatever you want! i support our family! i am involved in the kids life and i am a good dad!

me: well, you are not meeting my needs! you don't even kiss me when you come home from work! you always go straight for the kids!

shawn: i don't know what you are talking about, i give you everything you want, and what do you expect when i come home and the house is a mess, and you are still in your robe! (haha, im laughing about this now)

me: you give me things,but not you! 

so you get the point! i think every couple goes through things like this! and its all about priorities! after that fight we really got somethings in line! i called my mom the next day and told her a little bit of what was going on! she had some good advice that i think every couple could benefit from! she told me to ask shawn what the 3 most important things were that i could do for him, and vice versa, look how different they are! 

mine went something like this :

1- make spending time with the kids and i a priority (cut down working hours)

2- when you come home,it would be nice if you greeted and kissed me before going straight to the kids

3- i forget what this one was!!! maybe something like, let me know you are thinking about me, even if its just     by a text

his:

1- have the dishes done when i come home 

2- don't throw your clothes on the floor in our bedroom

3- don't have your robe on when i get home....as in be in normal clothes ;)

this helped a ton, even though marriage is not "ill scratch your back, you scratch mine" when he made us a priority i was happy to do things for him! i wanted to make him happy and not just doing it , to do it!when he would send me a sweet text, just to tell me he was thinking about me, it would make my day! he started to let me know how important i was to him, and i was reciprocating the same! things finally got,not just back to normal, but so much better! it took a good month or so! but those sucky months made us stronger! 

some men are so into their sports "i have to practice so we can be the best team" some men/women are so into their jobs " i have to work a lot to get this promotion or so we can invest in the future, "some men/women are so into ministry "i have to go help this person, and go to the church for this, then meet with so and so because he really needs some encouragement!" don't you think its most important to have your biggest fan be your wife/husband? don't you think before all else your biggest investment should be your wife? don't you think your biggest ministry should be to your wife and kids? (And vice versa ladies)

i can not stress enough that first of all, GOD needs to be the center of all relationships! 

ok, so the whole point of this is to say... marriage isn't easy all the time, but i really believe if you have your priorities straight it will be a lot easier!

1-GOD

2-YOUR SPOUSE

3-KIDS

4-YOUR JOB

5-OTHER THINGS

just something i wanted to share, i don't know, it may help someone knowing that other people go through stuff too! i am  no marriage expert but we are sure learning a lot!

i can honestly say, i am as happy now today, as i was in this picture here! 

good memories

i went to bed tonight early for a change...but couldn't sleep! i was thinking about my grandpa who passed away a year ago this week! i have such good memories of him and my grandma both! i will never forget walking into their house and hearing my grandpa say "whoo whoo" when he heard us walk in or my grandma sending us straight to her Tupperware cookie containers! i can even remember the way their door sounded when we walked in! it was one of those screen doors that shut easily and sounded almost like a snake, "siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssss" then BAM smacked shut! 

i went from those memories to thinking about visiting my grandpa in his nursing home. :( so so so sad! i hated that place and would cry every time i left! he was always so happy and cheerful when we came though! and even though he didn't always remember who we were he always had a smile on his face and would wave like crazy! i took hunter in one day and said "look grandpa, its hunter!can you say hunter?" he couldn't get it quite right and the closest he got to saying it was "punta" haha! we all laughed and so did he! he was just happy we all were there! he always wore his Perry panthers hat too, which looked adorable on him! 

grandpa and hunter aka punta :)

sunday afternoon visit

shooting some hoops :)

he was so happy and just a lover of life and people! he would do anything for you! he bought my parents a van one day! my mom always tells me the story how they needed a new car,and were praying about getting a new one but didn't tell anyone. one day my grandpa picked them up and said "let's go, pick out any car you want" not only did he take care of people meeting their needs,but he was the sweetest ever to my grandma when she got sick with Alzheimer. he was taking care of her himself, then had someone help him for a bit but it was getting too tough and eventually the family decided to put her in a nursing home. he was there holding her hand literally everyday, fed her every meal and would just sit by her bed! their love so reminded me of the movie the notebook which is why i cant watch it because it makes me sob!

at my grandpa's funeral, the main focus was his love for my grandma his family and people! one day i will want to be remembered for my love for God, my family, for people! i want to make an impact on people's life, from my family members, to even just random people who pass me by! 

what kind of impact do you make on people's life?
something to think about!


p.s. still miss my grandparents bunches, but so glad i have such wonderful memories and know they are in a way better place! :)

tis' the season of giving

tis' the sesaon of giving! here are 40 different ways you can bless someone! Christmas is approaching, and this is a very happy time for so many people! but this is also a sad time for some, who are all by them self, maybe they lost a loved one, or just having a hard time in life, help cheer them up by doing one or some of these things!

1~visit a neighbor who doesn't have any family (even if you know you will be stuck there for 2 hours)

2~return a shopping cart for someone

3~give up a front row parking spot

4~mail a card to someone

5~have your children color pictures and pass them out to the neighbors

6~invite someone sitting by them self to sit with you when you go out to eat! i'm not going to lie, this is a bit nerve racking ;)

7~pay for someones meal

8~pay for someone's coffee in line behind you

9~write a letter to a solider over seas

10~say please and thank you ;)

11~give someone a coupon  (someone gave me a 20% off coupon the other day and it saved me $10 bucks! who doesn't like to save money!

12~GIVE AWAY things instead of selling them! (is it really worth packing up all your kids clothes and taking them to once upon a child, and waiting around forever, for them to give you 50 cents for a $30 pair of jeans when someone can use them!)

13~leave a note on someone's car

14~call someone just to say "i love you"

15~keep some extra hats/gloves in the car (i keep mine under my passenger seat) to pass out to people on the side of the road that dont have any on!

16~SMILE! be friendly

17~offer your cashier a piece of gum (i did this on black friday and the cashier's said  "yes please! thank you so much" my friend Angelique did this too and she said it really brightened the cashier's mood)

18~take something to work for your co-workers to enjoy, or send something in with your hubby 

19~leave your waitress an extra large tip!

20~ compliment someone

21~help and elderly person to their car with groceries

22~pray for someone

23~buy someone's groceries if they look like they are in financial need

24~turn off the TV for a night and have "real" family time

25~ don't hold grudges (if you are bitter towards a friend or family member or someone, forgive them)

26~hold the door open for someone

27~when you see a solider when you are out and about, thank them for their service

28~pay for someone's gas

29~take dinner to a family who has recently gone through a hard time (i took cookies over one day and dinner the next week to a family who recently lost their wife/mother, and they really appreciated it)

30~depending on if you travel for work, pay for someone's toll

31~get your mailman a gift for christmas (i don't know about you, but i would not like to be delivering mail in the heat, sleet, rain and all the cray weather! i asked my mail man what he likes and he said he goes to subway a lot, so, we will be getting him a subway gift card)

32~buy flowers for somoene

33~do something nice for your spouse, unload the dishwasher, a foot rub, with no strings attached!

34~visit a nursing home

35~ bless a single mom in someway, flowers, a gift card to her favorite place, offer to babysit her kids, make dinner

36~put your change in the salvation army buckets

37~ buy the "bell ringers" a hot cocoa

38~ shovel your neighbors drive way (once the snow starts falling)

39~give an extra dollar to st.jude's when you check out, or get a  toy for toys for tots

40~put someone's Christmas lights up for them (btw, we don't have ours up yet,wink, wink)

(41~ encourage others to be paying it forward!)

this list originally started with 30 things, then grew to 40....it could go on and on! giving isn't all about money, it's about paying attention to someone, smiling, opening a door, visiting with people! show love to poeple this holiday season, you just never know  how your "small" deed will impacts someones life! 

pay it forward poeple!!!!

have a great week! and i'd love to know which things you try!

 i can not get this pic turned the right way!!! haha but,if you can't afford to buy new hats or gloves to pass out, get your child's hats or gloves that are too small (nice condition)  to have on hand to pass out!

a little breakfast item that i am sending into to my hubby's work tom (minus my cupcake pans)

bags of clothes and misc items that i am giving away this week!

5 ways to raise a little nice person

giving is something that everyone should be doing, including your kids!

 here are a few simple things that your kiddos can do to be  a blessing to other!

~give those toys away~

i don't know about you, but my kids have a ton of toys! recently i have been cleaning out our toy room about once a month and giving their toys to someone i know that needs them! plus, it's a great way to de-clutter! i just told my boys, " there are a lot of kids that don't have toys to play with, so go pick out 5 toys each to give to someone that doesn't have any" (and i always add some more)

(please don't pay attention to my tree, it was only part done when we did this a few weeks ago)

~dig in that purse~

hunter and i went to jc penny's one day, and we saw a salvation army bell ringer, so i dug in my purse and let hunter put the change in the bucket (and i didn't just dig all the pennies out, the quarters too,don't be cheap) i explained to him that, the money that went in the bucket went to help people! he also loved when the man let him ring the bell! now, every time we go somewhere, we ALWAYS give the bell ringer money! the other day i didn't have any cash/change on me, and dug and found 2 pennies, so that's what he put in!

 ~side note: a friend of mine took her daughter to the store the other day and they saw a bell ringer when it was freezing outside! so her daughter suggested that they go get the lady some hot cocoa! how sweet is that! instead of family movie night, they spent the evening driving to stores looking for bell ringers and handing out hot chocolate to them! her kids LOVED IT!

 

~dollar patrol~

when you head out to do some shopping, give your child a dollar, tell them that the dollar is to bless someone with! did you ever go to walmart and see the little kiddos there that looks so dirty and their parents only have in their hands what they can afford? well, encourage your son or daughter to give a dollar to a child!

~warm heart, warm hands~

have your child pick out an extra pair of gloves, and take them to school! if they notice that a classmate doesn't have gloves on, have them give them to the child!

(my little givers)

~smile and wave~

there seems to be an elderly person at every store we go to! i'm pretty sure hunter and carter make their day when we stop to say hi! make time, even if you are in a hurry, to let an elderly person gloat over your precious babe!

i encourage you to do one of these things with your kiddos this week! it's never too early to start giving!

last toasty tuesday this month

this is the last toasty tuesday of the month! 

 if you haven't done this little gesture yet this month or ever...do it today! on your way to work, drive through somewhere to get some coffee and pay for the person's behind you! 

i remember the first time i did this, i was kinda nervous!! i remember pulling forward after i paid, thinking, should i look back at the person and smile? should i look back at all? should i just stare straight ahead and ignore them?!?! i was almost sweating! haha i ended up peeking back through my rear view mirror, and seeing the person say something like, " what? my coffee is paid for? wow" and smiling! i drove away smiling too!

go brighten someone's day!!