it sucks...when your marriage sucks!

this little post is inspired by the month of love, ahhh February! valentine's day! the wonderful made up holiday that we spend billions on! did you ever think that women wouldn't love this holiday so much if we got treated like gold every other day of the year?!?!

well, just a little inside info that most people don't go around saying.... for a while, our marriage sucked! my hubby started a new job, 2 summer's ago now, and we were so excited! the hours were suppose to be more flexible, the pay was better and we were ready for something new!

this lovely opportunity started...and those flexible hours, sure were flexible, so flexible they stretched from 7 am to 9 pm, and i forgot to mention, he was working 6 days a week! "i have to work as much as possible to prove myself here at this new job liv," he would say. so at first i was understanding, until i started to get wore out and so irritated. i was waking the kids up, doing breakfast, lunch, dinner, trying to keep up with the house, bath time, snack time , bedtime! i started to say to Shawn "hey, can you please come home early tonight? i'd really like to ...." the nights he would get home early, i would say something like "its about time you come home early, all you do is work" (and prob nag too much, which made him work even more) then he'd say "well, you could thank me for paying the bills!" ugh! kinda wanted to punch the sucker! haha, not everyday was like this, but a lot were! 

i don't know if you ever have gotten to the point you feel more like room mates then a married couple? that was so us! and you get to the point where you care so much, that you don't even care anymore! 

shawn would fall asleep on the couch and i would be up and bed just waiting for him to come up and hold me!  wake up , go through the same motions, go to bed, and all over again!

this all lasted about 3 months! at the time, we hardly went on dates, and if you know us, we LOVE to go on dates! when we did go on a date, can you say awkward? we were the couple that was on our phones at dinner or barely talking! we basically have been "passing each other in the hallway" and we had nothing to talk about...but the kids!

one night, we had it out after the kids went to bed! i woke his booty up,after he fell asleep on the couch for the 100th time, and started in.

me: you work too much, you fall asleep on the couch, we hardly go on dates,you don't pray with me anymore i am just not happy!

shawn: how can you not be happy? i let you buy whatever you want! i support our family! i am involved in the kids life and i am a good dad!

me: well, you are not meeting my needs! you don't even kiss me when you come home from work! you always go straight for the kids!

shawn: i don't know what you are talking about, i give you everything you want, and what do you expect when i come home and the house is a mess, and you are still in your robe! (haha, im laughing about this now)

me: you give me things,but not you! 

so you get the point! i think every couple goes through things like this! and its all about priorities! after that fight we really got somethings in line! i called my mom the next day and told her a little bit of what was going on! she had some good advice that i think every couple could benefit from! she told me to ask shawn what the 3 most important things were that i could do for him, and vice versa, look how different they are! 

mine went something like this :

1- make spending time with the kids and i a priority (cut down working hours)

2- when you come home,it would be nice if you greeted and kissed me before going straight to the kids

3- i forget what this one was!!! maybe something like, let me know you are thinking about me, even if its just     by a text

his:

1- have the dishes done when i come home 

2- don't throw your clothes on the floor in our bedroom

3- don't have your robe on when i get home....as in be in normal clothes ;)

this helped a ton, even though marriage is not "ill scratch your back, you scratch mine" when he made us a priority i was happy to do things for him! i wanted to make him happy and not just doing it , to do it!when he would send me a sweet text, just to tell me he was thinking about me, it would make my day! he started to let me know how important i was to him, and i was reciprocating the same! things finally got,not just back to normal, but so much better! it took a good month or so! but those sucky months made us stronger! 

some men are so into their sports "i have to practice so we can be the best team" some men/women are so into their jobs " i have to work a lot to get this promotion or so we can invest in the future, "some men/women are so into ministry "i have to go help this person, and go to the church for this, then meet with so and so because he really needs some encouragement!" don't you think its most important to have your biggest fan be your wife/husband? don't you think before all else your biggest investment should be your wife? don't you think your biggest ministry should be to your wife and kids? (And vice versa ladies)

i can not stress enough that first of all, GOD needs to be the center of all relationships! 

ok, so the whole point of this is to say... marriage isn't easy all the time, but i really believe if you have your priorities straight it will be a lot easier!

1-GOD

2-YOUR SPOUSE

3-KIDS

4-YOUR JOB

5-OTHER THINGS

just something i wanted to share, i don't know, it may help someone knowing that other people go through stuff too! i am  no marriage expert but we are sure learning a lot!

i can honestly say, i am as happy now today, as i was in this picture here!