10 reasons we are still married II

in case you missed  my previous post, 

my first five reasons for still being married were:

1~we pray together

2~we kiss

3~we go to bed together

4~we date

5~we find ways to make our marriage better

here are the next five:

6~we talk

i think one of the most important things in a marriage is communication, aka talking! my hubby will be the first to say, "sometimes men just don't get it liv, we need to be told stuff. we don't always know whats going on with you" look at these two quotes from a couple, this is from our marriage class.....

 from the husband:

"i thought i was doing great as a husband....i would of said on a scale from 1-10, my marriage is probably a 10. if not a 10, its a 9.8, and i guarantee my wife would agree"

~dave wilson

from the wife:

" and i would of said, we are a 1.0 ,maybe a 0.5, and i think he was totally clueless ...which made me even more angry, because i'm thinking, how do you not know how bad we are doing?"

~ann wilson

this is a prime example of what happens when you don't talk about things! you expect your husband to know things aren't the greateat and he thinks everything is great! kinda when i wrote in my first post and sat down and talked to shawn and said "i am just not happy" and he responded by saying "how can you not be happy?" as if he had no clue! when you let stuff go on and on like this, it doesn't turn out good! that's why you need to talk about the changes you need to make and ACTUALLY DO THEM!

7~we say i love you

plain and simple, even if we know you love us, we like to be told! and more than once a day is always nice ;)

sometimes we carve the words "i love you" in random things

JK....this was a one time deal ;) 

8~we forgive

if one of us does something stupid, usually shawn, (haha just kidding hunny) we will go to each other and say "i'm so sorry i treated you like that, or that i was in a bad mood, will you please forgive me?" (the bad mood part is me most times,haha) then we go on with our evening and don't let it ruin our night! now i know that people have deeper and bigger issues then just being in a bad mood, but the most important thing is if you really don't know how can forgive them for something, talk to someone about what you can do, to get over it,and move on from the situation. unforgivenss will ruin your marriage!

9~we talk about money

so many couples fight about money! what to do with the tax money, what to do with the extra bonus you get. shawn and i have a little policy, if we want to purchase something over a certain amount, we will just run it by each other. i'm not saying to ask for every penny you spend, but ,make sure you agree on those bigger purchases!

10~we spend weekends together

oh, how i love having the WHOLE weekend off from all responsibilities but being a wife! we are in the process of planning another weekend away! we will usually just go to columbus, or crocker park for a few days. we went to florida for a week minus the babes...well, actually minus hunter because i was preggo with carter, and it was so nice ! it is so refreshing to have the time to do whatever you want! our biggest decision  is what place to go out to eat! this is a must for all couples to sneak away and rekindle your love without any interruptions! bow chicka bow wow! ;)

us at crocker park this year 

an extra little reason:

WE HAVE FUN!

marriage should be fun! kiss, dance in the kitchen, be silly, be spontaneous, hold hands, hide behind the bathroom door at midnight and scare your spouse (actually, maybe don't do that, i am laughing out loud right now thinking about when i did that to shawn! he jumped back and said "what in the world is wrong with you? why would you do that?" haha then we both started cracking up!

ok, now go have yourself a happy marraige!!!!!

p.s. once again, i'm not saying or marriage is all perfect, but we     really try to make an effort everyday to do these things! 

10 reasons we are still married

after my post from yesterday, i thought i would follow up with 10 reasons we are still married  that keep our marriage going: here are the first 5

we pray together

have you ever heard the saying "couples who pray together, stay together"?might be a cheesy saying, but it's true! we were at a marriage enrichment class the other night and someone asked "does it count if you pray over your food together?" lol well, it counts for something but it's not the only prayer you should eve say together! when we go to bed each night is when we usually pray together, some nights it might be one minute, some nights it might be five minutes! it doesn't have to be long! 

we kiss

everyday we kiss! your prob thinking, ya, you're married! of course you kiss! but really think about it....do you really kiss your spouse everyday? if Shawn is in a hurry to leave and scoots out the door before i get my "see ya later kiss", i usually say "hey, get back in here and kiss me!" ;) he returns with a quick kiss and out the door he goes with a little smirk on his face! kiss your spouse at least when you leave each other in the morning and greet them when they get home! 2 kisses a day, is that really too much to ask?!?! ;)

we go to bed together

like in my post before, when we didn't go to bed together, it stunk! you miss out on a lot of time you can be talking, praying (its about the only time the kids are settled in bed and it's quiet to pray) or doing whatever ;) i know a couple that has been sleeping in separate beds for years and years! you can bet there is hardly any intimacy going on there! (i do have to say, if i drink a cup of coffee past 6 pm, and wired, i might stay up and watch tv, so we try our best to do this but it might not happen 100% of the time)

we date

we love to go on dates! when i was growing up, my parents went on a date EVERY monday night! looking back now, i think that's so awesome that they made time for each other every week! especially if you have kids, this is a must! you can get so consumed with your kids, you forget to make time for your spouse! p.s. all you mama's that are scared to leave your babe's with a sitter, find someone you trust and even go on a 2 hour date at first! your kid will be fine and might actually like to play with someone other than mommy! ;)

we find ways to make our marriage better

we just started a class, that my parents started, through our church, called marriage university! it has been so awesome so far! we debated taking the class because we felt like things have been so great, we don't have any huge problems, why go? don't wait till you NEED to go to a marriage class! now, when we have struggles in our marriage we will know how to respond to those issues in a Godly way! this is something new for us, but we plan to attend something like this at least once a year! it defiantly keeps you in check! btw, if anyone is looking into going to a marriage conference, "family life center" puts on an awesome one! i know a few people that went and it really changed their relationship, even if they didn't think anything needed to change!

ok, there are a few things you can start doing today, if you arent already!

Get dressed up, and go on a HOT date this week!

it sucks...when your marriage sucks!

this little post is inspired by the month of love, ahhh February! valentine's day! the wonderful made up holiday that we spend billions on! did you ever think that women wouldn't love this holiday so much if we got treated like gold every other day of the year?!?!

well, just a little inside info that most people don't go around saying.... for a while, our marriage sucked! my hubby started a new job, 2 summer's ago now, and we were so excited! the hours were suppose to be more flexible, the pay was better and we were ready for something new!

this lovely opportunity started...and those flexible hours, sure were flexible, so flexible they stretched from 7 am to 9 pm, and i forgot to mention, he was working 6 days a week! "i have to work as much as possible to prove myself here at this new job liv," he would say. so at first i was understanding, until i started to get wore out and so irritated. i was waking the kids up, doing breakfast, lunch, dinner, trying to keep up with the house, bath time, snack time , bedtime! i started to say to Shawn "hey, can you please come home early tonight? i'd really like to ...." the nights he would get home early, i would say something like "its about time you come home early, all you do is work" (and prob nag too much, which made him work even more) then he'd say "well, you could thank me for paying the bills!" ugh! kinda wanted to punch the sucker! haha, not everyday was like this, but a lot were! 

i don't know if you ever have gotten to the point you feel more like room mates then a married couple? that was so us! and you get to the point where you care so much, that you don't even care anymore! 

shawn would fall asleep on the couch and i would be up and bed just waiting for him to come up and hold me!  wake up , go through the same motions, go to bed, and all over again!

this all lasted about 3 months! at the time, we hardly went on dates, and if you know us, we LOVE to go on dates! when we did go on a date, can you say awkward? we were the couple that was on our phones at dinner or barely talking! we basically have been "passing each other in the hallway" and we had nothing to talk about...but the kids!

one night, we had it out after the kids went to bed! i woke his booty up,after he fell asleep on the couch for the 100th time, and started in.

me: you work too much, you fall asleep on the couch, we hardly go on dates,you don't pray with me anymore i am just not happy!

shawn: how can you not be happy? i let you buy whatever you want! i support our family! i am involved in the kids life and i am a good dad!

me: well, you are not meeting my needs! you don't even kiss me when you come home from work! you always go straight for the kids!

shawn: i don't know what you are talking about, i give you everything you want, and what do you expect when i come home and the house is a mess, and you are still in your robe! (haha, im laughing about this now)

me: you give me things,but not you! 

so you get the point! i think every couple goes through things like this! and its all about priorities! after that fight we really got somethings in line! i called my mom the next day and told her a little bit of what was going on! she had some good advice that i think every couple could benefit from! she told me to ask shawn what the 3 most important things were that i could do for him, and vice versa, look how different they are! 

mine went something like this :

1- make spending time with the kids and i a priority (cut down working hours)

2- when you come home,it would be nice if you greeted and kissed me before going straight to the kids

3- i forget what this one was!!! maybe something like, let me know you are thinking about me, even if its just     by a text

his:

1- have the dishes done when i come home 

2- don't throw your clothes on the floor in our bedroom

3- don't have your robe on when i get home....as in be in normal clothes ;)

this helped a ton, even though marriage is not "ill scratch your back, you scratch mine" when he made us a priority i was happy to do things for him! i wanted to make him happy and not just doing it , to do it!when he would send me a sweet text, just to tell me he was thinking about me, it would make my day! he started to let me know how important i was to him, and i was reciprocating the same! things finally got,not just back to normal, but so much better! it took a good month or so! but those sucky months made us stronger! 

some men are so into their sports "i have to practice so we can be the best team" some men/women are so into their jobs " i have to work a lot to get this promotion or so we can invest in the future, "some men/women are so into ministry "i have to go help this person, and go to the church for this, then meet with so and so because he really needs some encouragement!" don't you think its most important to have your biggest fan be your wife/husband? don't you think before all else your biggest investment should be your wife? don't you think your biggest ministry should be to your wife and kids? (And vice versa ladies)

i can not stress enough that first of all, GOD needs to be the center of all relationships! 

ok, so the whole point of this is to say... marriage isn't easy all the time, but i really believe if you have your priorities straight it will be a lot easier!

1-GOD

2-YOUR SPOUSE

3-KIDS

4-YOUR JOB

5-OTHER THINGS

just something i wanted to share, i don't know, it may help someone knowing that other people go through stuff too! i am  no marriage expert but we are sure learning a lot!

i can honestly say, i am as happy now today, as i was in this picture here!